I do declare: Rosalee and Carol are going to end up in my novel one day

Today I’m starting a new feature for the I Do Declare posts, which I’ll post on the fourth Monday. It’s called “This is going to end up in my novel one day,” and by “This,” I mean a person, event, situation, or some crazy thing I witnessed in the course of my day.

When I sat down to think through ideas for this feature, it didn’t take long for Rosalee to come to mind. Here’s how I met her:

Photo: Dreamstime

One day a while back – and I do mean a while back, because we had phones that hung on the wall with answering machines beside them. What do you mean, am I that old? Where are your manners?

Anyway. As I was saying, one day a while back, I came home from running an errand and saw that I had a few messages.

The first was the voice of an elderly woman: “Hi Carol. This is Rosalee. I can’t come in to work today. I have to go to the doctor because my leg is hurting and I can’t clean your house very good if I have to hobble around. I will see you tomorrow.”

Clearly this woman had dialed the wrong number. I hoped the second message was her calling back to say, “oops, sorry, dialed wrong number” … but it was someone trying to sell me something.

At that time, the answering machine recorded only the message, not the number. And I couldn’t do the *69 call-back because she wasn’t the last call to come in. Yes, it was a really long time ago. Go stand in the corner until you can show some respect for your elders.

Back to the story: With no other information, there was nothing I could do. I just hoped Rosalee’s employer would believe that she actually had called in.

A few weeks later, I had another message from Rosalee. “Hi Carol. This is Rosalee. I can’t come in to work today because my stomach is upset. I don’t know if it’s the flu or something I ate, but I don’t want to bring it to your house. I will see you tomorrow.”

As before, it wasn’t the last call and I had no other details.

Over the next few weeks, Rosalee left several messages, mentioning various ailments. A sore hip that was giving her problems. A cramp in her back where she must have twisted it sleeping wrong. A bout of “reumatiz.”

I had been concerned about whether she’d be able to keep her job after all the no-shows (because Carol wasn’t receiving her messages), but now I was starting to worry about her health.

One day, the phone rang and guess who it was? Yes! Rosalee was on the line. I was excited.

“Rosalee! Oh my gosh, I’m so glad to hear from you!”

I told her she’d been calling the wrong number for quite a while, and she gave a merry laugh when I said I’d been worried about her health.

I asked what number she’d been trying. It turns out she was one number off. (How she managed to get one number off all those times was a mystery, but I left that part of it unsolved. The poor woman had health issues to deal with.) I was glad to have Carol’s number.

I asked how she was feeling and listened while she recanted her doctor’s orders and the miserable state of her health insurance.

Before we ended the call, I asked for her number – so I could call now and then to see how she was feeling, I said.

The following week, there was another message. “Hi Carol. This is Rosalee. I can’t work today because I have to go to the doctor for my follow-up. I will see you tomorrow.”

Oh dear. I picked up the phone to call her back but decided to call Carol instead. I got her answering machine.

{{{This is Carol. Please leave a message. BEEEEP.}}}

“Hi Carol. My name is Shelia, and I just wanted to let you know that Rosalee has been calling my number by mistake to let you know she couldn’t make it to work. Thought you’d like to know that she really has called in.” I left my number in case she had any questions.

Carol called later, and we giggled over the situation. I told her I was worried that she’d lose her job over what looked like less than stellar work ethics. She said not to worry: Rosalee was a true gem and her job was safe.

Rosalee continued to misdial my number for several more months. Whenever she called, I listened to the message, complete with symptoms and treatments, then I simply called Carol and relayed the message.

It was the least I could do for a worker who was a true gem.

A swanky bit of caramel you can call your own

Caramel is delicious, right? In candies, cakes, muffins, pies. Drizzled over or covered on top of fruit (caramel apples, anyone?). Inside pieces of chocolate. Oh yeah.

But what about homemade caramel sauce? Eh? Ehhh? Yep, I thought that might get your attention.

Here’s Chef Swanky with the how-to on making your very own caramel sauce:

Got a question for the great Chef? Drop us a comment below, and we’ll pester Chef Swanky to impart some more wisdom.

Follow Chef Swanky here and on Instagram at chefswankyhw.

FYI: where to get details on copyright

If you’re going to write and get published – whether blog posts, newspaper/magazine articles, books, whatever – sooner or later you’re going to encounter these (and other) issues with copyright:

  • Knowing how and when to file a copyright on your work.
  • Making sure you’re not violating copyright or fair use laws when you’re quoting or linking to someone else’s work or site.
  • Knowing what to do if someone violates the copyright on your work.

The U.S. Copyright Office has more information than you ever thought you’d need on copyright laws and policies, including details on Title 17 of the U.S. Code and Fair Use.

You can also find them on X (@CopyrightOffice) or on YouTube (/uscopyrightoffice).

They also have a blog and offer several email subscriptions.

Among the various tools they offer are the Intellectual Property Toolkits, which are handy resources and explanations of the what/why/when of protecting your work.

Feed Your Soul: self-care in the spooky season

Hot chocolate! Yum!

[Enjoy this guest post from Mrs. Swanky]

As we get more into October, it can be fun to incorporate some “spooky” into our self-care.

For instance: You can light black candles instead of white for meditation. Maybe find a fun Halloween coloring book. And if it gets cold enough at night, have a bonfire with some hot chocolate.

If you’re a fan of pumpkin spice lattes, I would definitely try a hot white chocolate with pumpkin spice marshmallows. (I just made that up in my head, and it sounds amazing!)

Also, as someone who lives in the Southeastern United States, I have to say that I wish it was chilly enough for a bonfire.

* Obligatory disclaimer: We are not paid to promote these items. We just happen to like them.

Our guest blogger,
Mrs. Swanky, posts
on ways to Feed Yourself
— in body, mind, and spirit.

I Do Declare … Again: Conquering the to-do list

This post is a rerun from a while back, but we could all benefit from a good refresher, right? Let’s dig in … again.

How I get things done would make an interesting study … mainly in how to be a control freak.

I live by to-do lists. A clock sits next to my computer screen so I know what time it is every second. I have a calendar habit that few understand: wall calendars, day planner inserts, daily Sudoku, word of the day, 3-month, huge write-on … you name it, I have it, including some I produce in Word because I haven’t found that particular style yet.

All of this is so I can better manage my time so I can be more productive. Yes, there are benefits to slowing down, smelling the roses (or your flower of choice … actually, mine is the hyacinth), meditating, long walks in the park, whatever. I concede that point.

But for me, what works is dividing my time, listing what I need to do, and pushing myself to that accomplish it. And when I do … bring on the rewards!

2kto10kbook

I’m always on the hunt for better time management tools, and I found one in a book by Rachel Aaron called “2,000 to 10,000: How to write faster, writer better, and write more of what you love.” Check out her blog post (and link to purchase her book) on the subject.

The basic premise is the triangle of writing metrics: Knowledge (know what you’re writing before you write it), Time (track productivity and evaluate), and Enthusiasm (get excited about what you’re writing).

I love the way she breaks down this concept, especially the need to track productivity and evaluate it. I’ve always called myself an early riser, more productive in the mornings. But am I sure about that? I haven’t taken the time to track when and how much I’m writing, so it’s possible that I get more done in the afternoon or evening. I’ll be doing that over the next few weeks.

Getting excited about what I’m writing is something else I need to ponder. She describes on her blog and in her book how she spent days stuck in one scene. (I know the feeling.) She said she realized that it was because the scene wasn’t interesting enough to her. The solution? Make it more interesting … or cut it. Think about it: If you’re not really into the scene, will the reader be?

The Knowledge leg of the triangle I think I already have a handle on. A huge part of my writing life is organizing and outlining, so I’m almost always aware of where the story’s going today.

I definitely think this method will work with novel writing, but I’m also revising it slightly for screenplays. With screenplays, word count isn’t what I’m after – it’s pages completed. So here’s the plan: a typical screenplay has roughly 100 pages. If I write five pages per day, I can finish a rough draft in 20 days. Time spent revising, editing, and polishing is another matter. But getting the rough draft done – or as a wise man once said, “Get the damn thing done!” – will be an accomplishment worthy of reward.

Feed Your Body: retro edition

[Enjoy this guest post from Mrs. Swanky]

Lately while cooking dinner or washing dishes, I have been propping up my iPad and turning on a show to watch at the same time.

It reminds me of my childhood, when I would visit my grandparents and saw that they had a TV in their kitchen … that seemed to be on 24/7.

My grandmother used to watch soap operas all the time. In honor of her, I am rewatching a soap opera called Once Upon a Time. (I don’t think it’s technically classified as a soap opera, but watch one episode and you’ll see.)

While I watched, I cooked up a potsticker stir fry with a ton of veggies that the little ones only “kind of” liked.

But I thought it was good.

* Obligatory disclaimer: We are not paid to promote these items. We just happen to like them.

Our guest blogger,
Mrs. Swanky, posts
on ways to Feed Yourself
— in body, mind, and spirit.